The last few weeks have been very difficult, I am truly at crossroads. I am facing a large number of difficulties right now, all coming at once. None of which has to do with money! I am under an unbelievable amount of stress, I feel very strong desire to run away from everything and start over.
I have not been thinking straight lately. Possibly I will leave the country on 8/31, either to Philippines, India, or Colombia. That gives me plenty of time to sell my car and get the rest of my life squared away.
I can move anywhere on the planet for about USD$2000, right now I have a little bit more than two bucks US. All of these different countries have pros and cons which I have discussed in detail already, if for any country these are not clear please let me know and I will clarify.
In the event that I leave I do not know what I will do with my job, I may resign or go on leave of absence, I still have a month or so to decide.
I am a bad decision maker, so I will let my readers choose for me. I view my commenters as volunteer therapists, putting my problems on my blog is much easier and cheaper than telling them to my therapist who then afterward asks for money.
- Move to the Philippines - go on 20 year honeymoon to Boracay with Christina
- Move to India - get corporate job, visit Christina on weekends.
- Move to Colombia - whenever I go outside at night like I just recently did, I hear Spanish-language music on the radio, which makes me feels like I am Colombia, riding in taxi during a long night.
- Stay in Texas - bring Christina here, or live solo.
You could also vote 'none of the above'. Whatever gets the most votes I will do! At the end of the week I will tally up the votes left in the comments.
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44 comments:
None of the above.
You still don't even know whether or not she's pregnant, much less whether you're the hypothetical father. Unless you're truly comfortable throwing away your life's savings on an eons old scam, everything you've written is still navelgazing.
frugal bachelor is becoming flaky bachelor. renew the apartment lease for 6 months, and sit tight until you can decide properly. Right now you are all over the map, literally.
Renew the lease and decide what you really want to do in that time. You'll know what you WANT to do but there may be practical considerations that weigh on that. You need to do what you feel is right not based on what your readers think.
HAVE YOU found a way to verify that this pregnancy is real yet ? Are you going to respond to anyone who asks you about this ?
In your 4 choices I can see 2 underlying questions:
1. Solo or with Cristina?
2. Do I act upon my 3rd world dream, and how?
My advice: do not make your choice at once (you'll always wonder whether it was the best choice). Rather, plan a transition period of a few years in which you try out all the alternatives - after that you'll KNOW what you want to do. Spend some time in each country in an expat or freelance job. And why not live with Cristina for a while and see how it goes? Predictions don't work; there's only one way to know what will make you happiest: test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test test.
Good luck, and keep us posted!
Forgive this exceedingly practical response. Don't you have to deal with work visas in these places?
It also depends on how much cash you have right now.
I vote for Texas, just until you can get your head on straight.
I'm with Dog.
Check into visas (they aren't as easy as you think, but certainly easier than getting a Green Card)...
I vote for stay a year in Texas longer to get a plan together, while researching all 4 options before making a huge mistake that you'll regret.
Did this woman take your virginity? I vote that you move to Asia and stop blogging.
Dude!
Get your shit together! Renew your lease for atleast another 6 months and make a legit plan before peacing out. You can't just up and move to a foreign country...you need to deal with work visas and shit. Dont throw away the stability of a career that brings in $, no matter how much you hate it or how stressful it gets. Being without a job during a recession when unemployment is 10% is not good. Don't go making a rash decision, let it marinate awhile.
I vote #1, it would make the most entertaining reading if you continue blogging. (But do us all a favor and get a real doctor to do a pregnancy and paternity test.)
You're young enough if you quit/take a break from work you should be able to come back in a few months to a year and find something pretty quickly. Not to mention you'll probably still have quite a bit of money left if you really can live cheaply there.
Sounds like you've got some wise counsel coming in from the above commenters.
Big decisions aren't wisely made on impulse. Give yourself sometime to think, prepare and plan for this transition.
And, go after love. If you can't imagine your life without her - be a man and go get her!
Stay put, do not rush into anything. All your options will still be there in 6 months. I think this whole pregnancy thing has you stressed out. At first you thought Cristina wouldn't want to live in the U.S., but you were wrong about that.
Stay in Texas and stay at your job. Take a week if you have to and go see Christina to ascertain if she's actually pregnant and if you want to be with her. But don't just go quitting your job and selling your car on a whim.
Do you speak the language in the Phillipines? Will this girl even marry you? Has a doctor said the baby is yours?
If you've got good answers for those, it would make for some awesome blogging if you started over in Asia. Don't let the haters get you down - follow your dream, wherever that might be.
Get a cheap bicycle and ride south. Only stop when you know what you want to do. It is cheap, healthy and you have a lot of time to think.
Stay put solo!
Never make a decision when you're emotional. If you truly feel its time to move on then go, but from the sound of it, you're thinking clear headed. I think you should stay until you clearly weigh your options in life. Getting another apartment especially in this real estate market should be a piece of cake, hell you might be able to upgrade for the same that you're paying now.
You're still young enough and another 6 months ain't going to kill you. Then when you are in a better state of mind, make your decision to head abroad or not. The topic of your philippina has already been dealt with.
"If you truly feel its time to move on then go, but from the sound of it, you're thinking clear headed."
Oops, I mean you are NOT thinking clear headedly!
are you really in your early 30s....or early teens?
Are you wanting to run away from something? Could it be yourself? Are you having anxiety from commitment issues? Is that why you want to flee? To lessen that anxiety?
I used to have a fear of allowing people to get close to me, really close. I needed to connect with people from time to time to prevent loneliness, but when they started to get too close to me, I would feel the urge to flee because my anxiety level just shot up through the roof, and I would run to get away from them, without explanation. I physically moved to get away and then felt, whew, that was close, as the anxiety disappeared. I spent years having this pattern, and hurting a lot of people in the process, yet at the time, I was truly just wanting to save myself, and seriously lessen that acute anxiety. After a lot of thought, I realized that my unconscious fear was that if the person who was getting close to me, got more close, then they would find out about my flaws and imperfections, and that I wasn't as wonderful as they thought I was, or what they were giving me credit for, and they would reject me. I wanted to reject them first so they wouldn't find out about the real me. I felt it would destroy me if they got to know me, and reject me when they found out that I wasn't as great as maybe they were giving me credit for.
But you know what? It's okay. Let others in -- let them get close. Let them cut through that wall that you have built around yourself for protection. What is the worst thing that could happen? I always like that phrase: "it is better to have loved and lost, then not loved at all." Just take the courage. I know that deep down there in the core of your being is a scared little boy afraid of getting hurt. But you know what? You are an adult now and if that little boy gets hurt, the adult in you will take care of him. Have a plan B of how you will do this for yourself. (I came to realize that others weren't perfect either, and they all had their issues too).
Stay in Texas.
You don't want to spin your wheels to just spin your wheels, because once you're exhausted from doing that, and the dust settles, then you still have to address the same issue, whether you are in another part of Texas or any other country.
Do you feel, on the other hand, that you don't deserve to be happy? It's okay for others, but not you? Wrong. You have just as much right as anyone else does.
I would see if I could renew the lease, with a quick phone call. If not, find another apt. in TX.
Take some time off from your job if you can, and look deep within yourself to see what the real issue is, (what are you really afraid of?) and address that, and get as much information about it as you can. I wish you well.
I would get some therapy to get over your hatred of women before you make any decisions regarding the girl and baby.
I don't care how much you "love all women", "find beauty in every woman", etc. Anyone that treats people with the casual disregard you show women has something wrong with them. It doesn't matter that human life is a commodity in the third world.
Besides how are you going to feel when you find out you were just some rich American duped by this girl who keeps a journal about everyone she's been intimate with?
You are blinded right now. Not only by love, but by the feeling of hope, that is obvious you haven't felt in quite some time.
FB - Dude! W.T.F is going on with you these past few months. You have to hang in there and get it together. As some of the others have said, I would stay put for at least another 6 months and really evaluate what you want to do.
You have some huge decisions to make and you want to make sure you make the right one.
Dude, There are countless reasons to stay exactly where you are. But that doesn't mean you "should".
Do what you think will make you happy. Maybe you will be, and maybe you won't. But you'll learn more about the world, and yourself, than if you simply listen to the naysayers.
Remember, failing isn't in the falling down, but in the giving up.
Personally, the best times I've had in my life, weren't very fun at the time. However, I wouldn't trade those memorable times for anything.
Dude: Man, do you ever have wise counsel - I hope you can take it - Good God - Stay Put - Renew your lease. When in doubt: DON'T.
Don't make a single move until you have a DNA test done. Men have been raising other mens children for a looooong time. Don't be a sucker, get a DNA test.
I agree with most of the other commenters. Give yourself another 6 months to a year. Find out if you are the father. Don't make big decisions in times of turmoil.
Good luck, FB.
What happened to your "to-do" list of new years resolutions for 2009? If I recall correctly you wanted to learn how to ride a motorcycle and get your TOEFL certfiicate. Can you quit your job tomorrow and accomplish those two items by Aug 31st? If you can then you are ready for the next step, whatever that may be...
I agree with Anonymous, ride a cheap bike south and think it over.
Come to Reno, I have an extra motorcycle you can learn to ride if you're not into pedaling.
I say marry her and bring her over here. Instant family! You can even start a new blog about the experience of having a mail order bride.
The classic story of rags to riches to rags.....
The responsible side of me would recommend you stay in texas and plan, think about moving out of the country.
The irresponsible side of me says, move to columbia for as long or short as you want and do some soul searching...
It just depends which quality is more important to you...being resonsible or not..
if you choose to be irresponsible..i hope you continue blogging b/c i would love to hear about all your antics in columbia!
Just like in an old Sam Peckinpaw movie, there's ultimately two types of people in this world, peasants, and gunfighters. Peasants want stability, the good job, nice family, food on the table, and that's about it. And gunfighters, well, hell, gunfighters kill people for a living.
All these people saying you should renew your lease and think it over are peasants. And you, frugal bachelor, from what I've read, just ain't made for the farming life. Some people say you shouldn't make decisions under emotional distress. On the other hand, some might say emotional distress is a functional mechanism that makes us do the things that need to get done - which seems crazy at the time but in retrospect are the sanest decisions you coulda made. But a peasant will always say tehy're crazy.
Peasants will never be interesting people, they'll save their travelling for when they've retired, by which time they're too tired to do anything great, and since they've spent their whole life working a job they hate, too boring to want to.
So use your distress and do something totally crazy/completely sane. Life's an adventure, and you've always got the greatest insurance in the world if things don't work out - your passport.
Your move, gunfighter.
I agree with Maz. People will always urge you to do what THEY would want. I have the some problem in L.A., The "Stability" people telling me what they THINK I want, because they are too stuck in their comfort zone to imagine anything but the worst happening.
I'm not saying you should run away in 6 weeks. But Anonymous commenters don't have your best interests in mind. YOU know what's best for YOU.
My advice? Go camping (or whatever you do to relax that's out of the house), Clear your mind, and the answer should be clear. If it's not, wait until it is.
As for your comment about making bad decisions? We ALL make bad decisions from time to time. It's not like you're choosing to do heroin or jump off a bridge! You can always come back. The most probable outcome if it doesn't work out, is that you'll have to work a few more years to get back to where you are.
I know because I made a decision like yours several years ago. (Quit my career to be a ski bum for a season.) And I took my knocks when things didn't go as planned. But regret it? Never!
I was surprised at all the 'stay put' comments.
Sell all your shit and do #1. Life is to short to stay put.
Dude, WTF?
First things first, FIND OUT IF YOU ARE ACTUALLY BABY DADDY. It really IS the oldest trick in the book - she'll get you, your money, and the right to stay in the US and ends up mysteriously UNpregnant afterwards.
If it IS your baby, and she's as starry eyed over you as you are over her, then hell yeah go be with her. Don't pass up the opportunity for something as good as you make it sound. Trust me.
But seriously! Find out, without a doubt, if it IS in fact your baby, or, if there even IS a baby to begin with.
If it's true that you really do have a hatred for women, then you will not be doing this girl any favors at all - none. If that's one of your issues, work on that first. I wouldn't allow any man to treat me disrespectfully. At the same time, I would only be interested in men that I could respect.
Get the facts before you run away from your problems.
Are you nuts? Don't quit your job. You're broke for Christ's sake.
Get some counseling. Check to see if your employer's benefit package has some free counseling available. You need help. It's available. Get it!
Maz, do you have a blog? Awesome comments!
Whatever you do, never get "stuck"!
I guess I was out voted so I wanted to comment again. Seize the day. Life is short. Why stay put when a whole new adventure could be had? I don't think you are happy in your current situation, apartment, job, etc. So, I vote twice. Go..
I'm all for gunfighting. But it's stupid to gunfight in a place where you don't have a gunfighting visa, that's all.
It's a big country. If you want to move and start fresh, it's easy with no visa issues. But if you just must gunfight in a third world country, you have to plan.
Stay in Texas, dude.
OK, who kidnapped FB and what did you do with him. I take a break of a couple of weeks from reading this blog and everything changes.
My vote, have a plan B, whatever you decide.
I vote #1 modified. Put your stuff in storage, buy a plane ticket and go to visit the girl. All will become clear at that point, and then you can decide whether to make a permanent move one way or another. Can't make a relationship decision unless you are actually with the other person.
Good luck, and definitely ignore the "stability police!"
Rosie
Whatever decision you make via reader vote, it will not last unless it is the right one. Good publicity stunt, useless way to make a life decision. But you know that ... right?
Don't move to any of those places; take a month long vacation and then decide. Just the fact that you're opening this up to a reader vote shows you are not ready to make any sort of long term commitment.
How about stick your head in a gas oven and put yourself out of your misery? You came off like you had all the answers but in the end it would appear that you're just as fucked up as the rest of us.
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